My lower back aches with the weight of another upon my shoulders. Yet the weight is seemingly all I have – what is left once this is gone?
Sometimes I feel like I should have worked through this already. I feel like after this much time I shouldn’t become so easily emotional at the thought of losing someone. But fortunately, I remember that grief is a process and it takes time – a lot of time. And that grief is different for everyone and that I shouldn’t rush it. Sometimes I get scared about what will happen once I reach a point when it isn’t quite so raw. I worry about what others will think, what will I think, when one day down the road I’m doing better than I am now. And I feel guilty because someone so important shouldn’t be so easily left behind. I don’t have the answers, and I don’t know what I’ll do then, but for now, all I can say is I’m not there yet. Wherever there is.
